back at one

do you ever feel alone? or like there's something going on behind your back? it's the most awkward feeling ever. a lot of it has to do with paranoia, or in my case almost 100% of the time: thinking WAY too much.

i wake up in the morning, thinking a lot of bad thoughts, about people i shouldn't be having these thoughts about. and now, it's probably starting a whole "who is she talking about?" in your mind. the paranoia...i tell ya, it's contagious.

anyway, i'm used to this going on in my mind now. lately, it feels like there's a door shut somewhere that probably won't be opened again. and it hurts a lot. but at the same time, "probably" can also be a probably not. i run a situation inside my head now, thinking of all the possibilities, all the outcomes and by the time i make some sort of conclusion, i'm mentally exhausted to do anything about it. but like i said, i'm used to this all by now.

i don't know what i'm writing about anymore. bottom line, i'm back at the beginning of my journey at the bottom of the hill that becomes a mountain.
oh. i just got a call, that's making the journey uphill come accessorized with a ball and chain. damn.

i am in serious need of an intervention.

i am in serious need of inspiration.