death

i'm not that great with dealing with death, but reality being, i dont think anyone is. but specifically relating to me? i'm horrible, which has made me double-guess myself in writing this all out. but here i am anyway, hoping that blogging will refill some void that i can't locate or understand. this is the hardest post i have ever had to write. and while i know that i do not owe this to anyone, it has helped me cope with a huge event in my life. to be completely honest i have re-written this several times, and by the time i get around to posting it on the site for you to read...well i will have re-writtten it several BILLION times. take 5...

growing up with the barongan's is one of the biggest parts of my life. the growing hasn't stopped but in celebration of a life that is gone i remember everything that has passed thus far. when i had first begun this post it was a way to console my heart and it's pain dealing with the death of my tita celine (+ RIP +) i realize now, that it was a bit selfish of me to find ways to find solace for myself and only myself. why couldn't i make everyone who knew this woman enjoy what i have written? in honesty, it was jillybean's lj that inspired this. although not profound in length, her words hit home, and brought on an amazing reaction.

when tita comes to mind, i remember a lot of laughter in the house. i remember going to seton park just for the heck of it, her screaming "EDDIE! EDDIE!" as he tried to fix his parking with her half-in and half-out of the car. i remember the sleep overs in 65, the late nights of watching NKOTB videos, and the mornings of "let's eat now! we have to go to church!" speaking of NKOTB, i remember going to my very first concert with selle and her too! i remember the moves all around thorncliffe, and the moves to scarborough. i remember her watching me slide myself down her hallway, after i didn't believe i was going to...after she had told me i was. the late night into early morning gambling sessions with the kumares on Christmas/NYE/whenever they got the chance really. the ballroom nights and days. i remember seeing her sparkley dress at ate jig's wedding and saying, THAT is what i want to wear. i remember the jokes that she would make, that would in turn make selle make jokes, and by the end of it all we were all just laughing ourselves rediculous. i remember a-little-bit barongan, hershey and sound surround. i remember her sitting on the stairs as we were leaving the house, clad in fuzzy slippers and her "dastur." i remember tita being the real deal first "smelling" kiss.

i looked back on the neverending tears that i shed. and i realize now that i'm no longer angry she is gone, but glad that she was able to give me the basis that makes my family what it is today and the memories to enforce that i live a life as full as hers. my tears still fall, but in love.

i miss you tita. i love you.
sleep well.