before it's too late

i'm sitting here in front of my computer when i could be doing a number of things...scheduling bill payments; polishing off a logo design; reworking a web page design; learning that my one of my favorite flowers is also the greek word for testicle (fantastic!); trying to figure out how my inaanak got a 60-something in her business class! but then i realized somewhere in the middle of my day: it's almost the end of the month, and my god, i haven't posted a thing. this, of course, comes as a bit of a surprise, seeing as a lot has happenned in the past 28 days. 11:04pm, wow, talk about procrastination.

kapu

just a bit over a month ago i took another sacrifice for something i love, this time it was hula. i knew what hula had done for me in the past, giving me strength when i didn't know i had any, allowing me to believe that there was something i could love that would fulfill me 100% in return. it was only right that when i came up to my kumu and friend joy, and told her about my depression that she would suggest taking a break from things that were detremental to my mental clarity. i jumped at the oppurtunity grabbing and holding that commitment dear.

after a shaky beginning, i had moved into a zone, with great support and advice. even when i was scared with what i was to overcome, i was committed to achieving something better for myself. i had questioned a lot about what i was doing, and who it was going to effect. how selfish was it of me? especially to sacrifice a friendship in the process. no doubt, it hurt. but through it all, i know that there is a better mindset in building ontop of our friendship, wherever it may start from.

ultimately, through many trials, i have overcome a great deal within myself. there are successes that i can't even begin to count on my hands, but by no means has everything been conquered. hula is life, it's a journey and learning experience, and my kapu experience has pointed me in the right direction.
mahalo nui kumu! a me ku'u hula sistahs and braddahs!

mental status

things worsen before they get any better. and i deduce this time and time again, why am i not learning? i think mentioning all this after i just told you that i put my faith in A LOT of successful self-healing, may seem redundant, but here i am anyway. i am now not only on ONE anti-depressant, but TWO. in combination with the mutli-vitamins and anti-nauseating (vertigo) medication and other pills...i feel like i'm successfully on the road to geriatric conversations like this. i start psychotherapy on thursday. i am hesitant once again, but i'm also trying to keep an open mind on it all. keeping with my goals, it's a year of change for me.

resolutions fulfilled

so, last time i posted i think the only action i took on any of my resolutions was mental stability, and if you were paying attention, that is still a work in progress. i can safely say that i've started drawing again, and actually, i have strongly incorporated it into my design process. i have sketched a few times in Med.Terminology class.
aside: i know you're wondering why in class? well, let's say some of my classmates like to talk the teacher into irrelevant tangents. at which point i draw until we get back on course.
i plan on posting a few of the drawings, once i get around to scanning them in. on another note, i've started to photograph again. it's getting back to a standard i am happy with now. again, posting of these pictures is quite possible.

i still have to work on this "writing more" bit, maybe when the great world of Medical Terminology leaves my weekly routine.

amzin azn

i not only write my own blog, but i read too! and having multiple friends writing their everyday happennings online is a good way to keep in touch. especially when it's simply just too difficult to meet up. while roaming jerr's LJ i had stumbled on a few other people's journals through her friends list. this is something that i believe all of LAT LUV feared, and i didn't quite see it as a bad thing.
brownscreen is a talented asian renaissance man of creativity. he wrote an entry a while back in regards to the normal use of the derogatory term FLIP, and it's similar evolution to other similar N words. *insert gasps here* throwing down his mind and soul.

growing up in toronto i was assimilated into the ideal where the cool filipinos were where it was at, and everyone else, well you were a FOB, an outcast. at that age, you definitly don't want to be the outcast, so you assimilate with open arms! growing up from this stage in my life, i learned the segregation of filipinos from mississauga...to scarborough...to downtown, there was no mutual love. no unity. i see my sister and god-sister starting their own business, and i see other filipinos doing the same thing as them, and above all that, i see that we don't support each other enough, if at all. there's no "hey! you're doing well with what you do! and it not only makes you look good! it makes us ALL look good!" why is that? we as a culture here, seem to be ok, with looking down on another person's success. there are tonnes of kids running around with the so-called filipino pride, but how many of them actually have been home? know what it is to be filipino, and not the assimilated-westernized-catch phrase-hybrid? a lot of these observations didn't strike me as anything to be proud of in my culture...

until i read "FLIP/ROCK" i wanted to openly acknowledge brownscreen/ mr. cervantes for making me proud to be filipino. to inspire, is a gift. and although in anonymity i found it, you gave it to me.

this is a pretty touchy subject with me, and perhaps something worth writing more about. writing more organized about. future projects. for now, i'm getting organized. getting proud.